The Truth…

Brusquely

Best Divorce Letter

Dear wife:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me oryou don’t love me anymore; whatever! the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t
comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.

I hope that’s not a problem.

Stevie Wonder

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place
is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the
ice with his new audience, He asks if anyone would like him
to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first
row and shouts at the top of his voice “Play a Jazz chord!
Play a jazz chord!”

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in
Stevie’s varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an
E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for
about 10 minutes.

When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old man
jumps up again and shouts “No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a
Jazz chord.”

A bit irritated by this, Stevie, being  the professional that
he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band
around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart.

The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical
expertise.The little old man jumps up again. “No, no. Play a
Jazz chord, play a jazz chord!”

Well now truly irritated that this little guy doesn’t seem to
appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the
stage “OK, mister, you get up here and do it!”

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the
mike and starts to sing… “A jazz chord to say I ruv you…”

consequences